Childhood dreams

When I was a kid (up to pretty recently actually) I thought that I would really like to be in the FBI or do what they do on CSI. I've always really liked those crime/catching killers type of shows. I thought it would be exciting and exhilarating to risk my life like that. I thought that facing death like that would make me feel invincible. I wanted to be that hero; solve the puzzle and bring bad guys to justice. 

Tonight I was watching Criminal Minds (in the dark, by myself of course) and it clicked: I could never do what those people do. It would be such a sad life. On television the good people live and the bad guys get caught, but their work controls the agent's lives. Not to mention that in reality good people die. I would lie in bed at night thinking about all the people that died, and how I should have saved them. Emotionally I couldn't do it. It would make me too sad. I almost started crying while watching that show tonight. And what about a family? I couldn't have the family that I want if I was always trying to catch bad guys, never knowing when or if I would come home. 

So, kudos to all the people who do protect us and catch killers. You have a hard job, too hard for me.